If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
