when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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