last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're a waste of cheezeits
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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