Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
