'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
