he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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