I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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