They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
