i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
