Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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