omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
