i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm at about main and main street
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
