was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
