its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
