Umm I'm too high to move.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
