apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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