she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
