Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
