Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
