I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
