Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
