Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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