Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
