Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
