I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
