A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
