Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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