when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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