True but thats because hes a fetus.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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