Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
