I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
