I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it glows. i had to have it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
