A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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