Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
