Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
