Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
so much tequila, so little girl.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
