I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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