you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize