i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
