Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
