Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
