God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
