hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
