Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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