Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
