i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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