It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
