Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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