so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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