The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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