It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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