dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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