When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
