i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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