God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
