The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
