ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
