Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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