Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
