i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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