Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Its about making memories worth repressing
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
