I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
