Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
