I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
