I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
