shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
