We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
