i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
