If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
