Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
