Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
honey bunches of taint.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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