I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
