yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
