Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
